March 2012
3 posts
2 tags
(There are so many fears and doubts and overwhelming decisions which I feel far too small to confront)
3 tags
February 2012
121 posts
1 tag
I’m putting so much effort into keeping my steps even and not drowning that it’s becoming difficult to think of anything else - even things I want to think of, like the way my fingers feel around a mug of tea or the blossom on the tree just outside of school or the way it smells after sunset or the new, sudden warmth that means spring is coming.
2 tags
3 tags
I can’t stop thinking of red university gowns and going for runs by the seafront and a quiet cobbled town which is Not London At All and pubs instead of clubs and perfect modules on all the books and authors I love and farfarfarawayfromeverythingandeveryone and I am ripping my heart to shreds all over again with every thought
2 tags
2 tags
Girl, just shy of eighteen, slight tendency towards masochism:
stubbornly holds on to things which will never make her happy (lost dreams, unrequited love, images of the could-have-been),
creates lives which she knows will never become her own, hides behind a smile and a tear-stained paperback.
Seeking soul to hold onto when things are too much for only one pair of hands.
1 tag
2 tags
Too anxious and sad to find the blue sky in today. I slipped and shattered my heart all over again at the thought of futures I let other people persuade me to let go of, at the thought of all the plans I so carefully sewed together only to have them fall apart at the seams, at the number of times my dreams have been thrown back at my feet bloody and ragged from the sharp reality of trying to chase...
1 tag
Anonymous asked: Okay, this is kind of awkward, and you probably won't believe me, but I think, completely despite myself, I may have fallen a ittle bit in love with you. Xx
3 tags
I can’t find any words for today; I’ve been hiding in between the pages of a book and behind cups of tea and tracing Gatsby’s fall from grace and trying to hold my head above another unprecedented wave of doubt and anxiety (and I think I’m losing)
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
Running in the not-quite-still of the early morning (London never truly sleeps) I became suddenly, wonderfully aware that something is shifting. The air tingles with the truth, I can feel it from my bones to my fingertips: I can make things change if I really want to. But I’m treading lightly, in case the ground falls out from under my feet again.
2 tags
Things it is not hard to do, but I am still finding difficult.
Choose and analyse a poem and from a feminist or Marxist perspective.
Write an essay plan evaluating the stability of the Weimar Republic.
Read through The Great Gatsby and Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit and take notes on how the authors portray love.
Make notes on the Nazi terror state.
1 tag
1 tag
There’s something delicious about runningrunningrunning in the still and the dark of the almost-morning and locking the door when you come in and nobody else being awake, nobody even realising you were gone. I feel as though I am (slowly, perhaps a little reluctantly) waking up. Watch this space.
2 tags
3 tags
Oh, the chill of the morning air and the rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement and the burn of my throat and the feeling of feeling like someone else (and I preferred her) but it didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t last. I floundered, fell, forgot all the good things; and here I am an age and a half later with not two hundred words to my name.
1 tag
Today has been moments of calm interspersed with (far more frequent) moments when everything suddenly seems insurmountable and unconquerable and I feel like I am drowning under all the changes and expectations and advice and forget how to breathe or hold onto things or form words
5 tags
Number one top reason I don’t have a boyfriend
It will not be loud or dramatic when it comes, not for you. This is how it will be: first you will find yourself the owner of a heart no longer whole, slightly ragged at the edges from the storm you have silently weathered. You will burn your tongue on your favourite teacup, find that a page has been torn out of the novel you were reading, but you will make the time to smile and say no, really,...
2 tags
Just once (just once) I would like a book or a song or a television programme in which the main focus is not relationships
